Friday, 23 October 2015

And God said.....................

And God said…….

God and I have had an on/off relationship , like many of my relationships. It’s tough love. God is perfect; I am not; but he allows me to bask in the rays of love now and then. He’s all knowing and all seeing and I’m just blinded by his power. I don’t see what he sees so whenever I ask for something he knows better. “Anything you can do, I can do better,” doesn’t apply here. God doesn’t play games with mortals but he sure has a wicked sense of humour.

God is supposed to be a positive being yet he/she says “no” to my whims and fancies. On the few occasions that he says “yes” then I know that God is a woman. It’s gender thing, men love to say “no”(and spoil the party)  and women just want to say “yes” to every designer thing that comes their way.

 If God is love then he takes long vacations. I’ve felt his absence many times in my life. Feeling unloved distorts your emotional vision. In the dark moments, I crave for comfort and escape into a fantasy world where love and warmth come attached with a price tag.

I used shoes, clothes and cosmetics to get through the emotional dramas in my life whilst neglecting my spirit. New and shiny things are a distraction and they do make me happy….yes they really do. God wasn’t convinced.

 I guess I was always looking for a hero; someone who’d save me from myself. There were a few likely candidates but I was too insecure to trust them completely. Timeless wisdom says “love like you’ve never been hurt, dance as if no one’s watching and shop as if your Louboutin’s  aren’t killing you – I couldn’t…. I was a fraud.

 During trying times, God was watching over me but he must have been shaking his head in disapproval knowing that I was crashing headlong into disaster. But since he gave me free will, I thought I’d show him that he was wrong and I was right.

 As you know, God never makes a mistake but he certainly allowed me to – many of them – for a very long time – until I decided it was enough. I had to stop the less than loving things I’d heap upon myself, the biggie was allowing people to walk all over me.

 When I eventually asserted myself, I made enemies. God may be inclined to love them but I found avoidance a better path.  I had to detach myself, retreat,  in order to create an improved version of myself. God rarely says“yes” to any of my schemes; he knows their driven by my ego and he doesn’t like it much.  I guess he’s a damage limitation agent.

 How does he know what’s right for me?

 When I asked for a hero, God said : “  No, a hero is what you make of yourself with the talents you have”

When I asked for stability, God said: “ No, instability will change your misguided priorities”


When I asked for someone to love me, God said: “ No, you have to find enough love inside of you first”

When I asked for comfort, God said: “No, you’ll become a slave to it”

When I asked for fame, God said: “ No, you may forget who you really are and anyway fame’s overrated……….take it from me!”

When I asked for money, God said: “No, your mind is richer”

When I asked for more time, God said: “No, you’ll only waste it!”

When I asked for a near perfect life, God said: “Impossible!”

When I asked for a cleaner kitchen/bigger house, God said: “Bricks & mortar alone don’t keep you warm at night. Make your heart a sweet home for the weary and troubled.

When I asked for a newer car, God said: “ Travel with a light heart and you’ll always arrive at your desired destination.

When I asked for the latest fashion, God said,” No, fill your heart (not your wardrobe) with precious things”

When I asked for beauty, God said: “look in the mirror!”

When I asked for a loving partner to take care of me, God said: “I am your resource and in developing spiritual skills you’ll find him…or her.

When I asked for courage, God said: “ No, being human is courage enough, you’re just too stubborn to believe in it.”

When I asked for a problem free life, God said: “ No way! Its unnatural and you’ll never find your spirit.

When I asked for inspiration, God said: “you are one to me!”

When I asked for my dreams to come true, God said: “you are mine and I believe in you”

When I asked for unconditional love, God said: “you cannot ask for something you already know and have. Allow yourself to be the giver and receiver and go with that flow!

When I asked for the good times to last, God said: “No way honey, nothing’s built to last in your world!”

When I asked to be saved, God said: “I’ve done it so many times”.

God obviously has great faith in me but he continues to “not deliver” (to my plain, earthly eyes) on my prayers and wishes. Perhaps he’s dreaming a bigger dream and my mind just can’t grasp it all.

 Life is like baking a cake though some of the ingredients are missing. Some items are purposely removed, by yours truly, so that he/she can see what we’ll produce. We’ll mix and mould and still come up with something palatable, if we focus on doing our best.

That’s all God wants from me – my best – and I’ve been asking for the moon from an undiscovered galaxy.

 Does God answer my prayers? Not in the way I want but it’s okay I’m finding out what I’m made of – and where I need to make a few corrections. Whe God says“No”…it’s not a negative; it’s a filter for the impurities. Say it out loud and then perhaps there’ll be room for a few good things (and people) to come into your life…….and stay.



Thursday, 17 September 2015

The importance of being important

At each stage of life we don’t always know what we want and that creates problems.

In youthful innocence, we often don’t know who we are or what we truly want. In childhood we are certain that we don’t like green food on our plates and throw a mighty fit if our parents try any form of encouragement that’s not a handsome bribe! This is the stage where we throw the baby (and the water) out of the bath and discover consequences.

 All of life is a journey of learning how to learn, think, discover and evaluate our options. It’s the rocky road of learning from our mistakes which often entails putting our hand into the fire to see whether our skin is inflammable…..its not! We are not fire proof but we still have to fight the fires of life that threaten and sometimes consume us daily – financial struggles, emotional upheavals, mental strains, physical injuries and a host of moral dilemmas.

Our teen years are a time of great challenge. This is the time when a brain becomes a mind and gives the body a nudge that  it houses a soul. Biology tells us we have a beating heart but it becomes more than just a human organ in our teens and young adulthood.  We acquire the faintest notion that we can either keep hold of it ( until we’re centered) or give it away to another ( lost )soul and be reckless. You will lose or give away your heart a few times during the “wonder” years but you won’t find it in the “lost property” office. In fact, your heart may be returned to you in a very poor state – fractured or even completely broken. Such is youthful abandon that we discharge of our precious cargo to another immature and deceitful heart that plays with it and may even damage it beyond repair.

This problem worsens when our mind and heart have parted company or are at odds with each other. We listen to our heart at the expense of our mind; both are false friends when hormones have a stranglehold on our mental capacities.

In our twenties, when the brain chemistry is firing on (nearly) all pistons we’re still figuring it out. A young man tinkers with his first car and decides to pursue motor mechanics as a trade when what he really wants to be is tearing up the Formula One race track at mind boggling speeds. A young girl studies dance which leads into bit parts in television and theatre but what she really wanted was to be was a drama queen and strut her stuff on stage.

Choose wisely in your twenties or you might be stuck in some uninspiring environment. Marriage could be one of them. A true marriage is one of hearts and minds not just living spaces! Embarking on a cosy twosome is like a curious adventure but what you learn in this hunting ground will either make or break you. Be wary and be warned!

Oprah shares an instructive tale of her twenties when she was a humble TV news anchor wondering if that was all that life had to offer.  When she consulted a fortune teller, it was predicted that what she truly wanted was to achieve stardom and light up the world……and that’s exactly what Oprah did next!

Playing it safe and hiding our light “under a bushel” is making out to the world that our ambitions and higher thoughts are of no value. We find ourselves in the grip of low self esteem and never dare to climb out of that pit until we’re older and less agile.

In our thirties there’s a pressure to “settle down” which invariably means getting onto the mortgage gravy train and remaining on it for at least the next twenty five years. By that time, we have a few mouths to feed and have completely lost a work/life balance; in fact, we live to work and become wage slaves to public and private companies. Our hopes remain alive and staying alive to run the rat race is our greatest wish but our dreams slip away. The dream of owning a farm, villa, allotment is overtaken by the fear of not having enough so we hitch our wagon to capitalism and ride the storms.

Again we do what’s important, what’s required of us but we make ourselves unimportant in the process. Have you ever known a CEO of blue chip company to be concerned about his own or employee’s health? There’s no health & safety policy that states that a human is not designed to be inactive and sitting down in front of a radioactive screen for up to 8 hours. Knowing and doing what’s important are life long challenges on the human journey.

Once we hit our 40’s, those who’ve put themselves last and made ridiculous sacrifices to NOT progress themselves by taking defensive and indecisive positons suffer greatly. The pain is mostly psychological and the fight/flight mode you’ve used as your default setting requires analysis. In middle age there’s realisation that we are too valuable to be exploited by family and bosses.We can practise saying “yes” to our dreams and “no” to the obstacles such as partners and friends. We disengage from the herd and find our own voice and path.

Finding our sense of importance is not be confused with vanity. Being conceited is an ugly trait though you might think you look good in your Christian Louboutin’s. Being well read is more important than being well dressed though society may judge the book by the cover. The more discerning will certainly seek out the author and make relevant judgements.

We want to be important to others but it shouldn’t come at an astronomical cost to yourself. Don’t give yourself away lightly; make sure he or she’s worth it……….and they may not be!

Life is an important journey and it is eternal too. So develop, believe, nurture, love and educate yourself……its important to be important and much more.